The Fear of Letting Our Guard Down- Why We Resist the Stability We Crave

We all want to feel safe—emotionally, physically, and in our relationships. But for many of us, trusting that safety can feel just as frightening as the instability we’ve known. There’s a deep paradox at play: we crave ease, yet we resist it. We long for stability, yet something within us hesitates to embrace it fully.

The Roots of Our Hesitation

This hesitation isn’t random. Past experiences—whether personal trauma, societal instability, or even ancestral wounds—shape how we respond to trust. Maybe we learned early on that security can vanish in an instant. Maybe we’ve witnessed people around us brace for the worst, even in the best of times. Over time, we start to believe that letting our guard down is a risk we can’t afford to take.

As a real estate and wellness professional, I see this pattern emerge in many facets of life. When searching for a home, people often struggle to trust their instincts, fearing they’ll make the wrong choice. When engaging in breathwork or yoga, they may resist surrendering to the moment, as if relaxation itself feels unsafe. This internal conflict between wanting stability and fearing it is not just emotional—it is physiological, woven into our nervous system’s response to change.

Personal Reflection: Recognizing the Pattern

 I’ve felt this tension in my own life. Having navigated major transitions—from a long corporate career to entrepreneurship, from personal upheavals to finding true partnership—I’ve witnessed my own resistance to stability. There have been moments when I longed for a steady, nurturing environment—whether in relationships, career, or home life—only to find myself uneasy when it finally arrived. Instead of sinking into the stability I had worked so hard for, I would brace for something to go wrong. I’d catch myself overanalyzing, second-guessing, and even creating distance, as if to protect myself from the potential of loss.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want peace; it was that peace felt unfamiliar. And when something feels unfamiliar, our nervous system often labels it as unsafe.

Shifting the Narrative: Challenging Fear-Based Beliefs

This protective instinct is deeply ingrained, but here’s the lesson: healing happens when we gently challenge the belief that ease and trust are dangerous. In my work with clients, whether guiding them through a mindful homebuying experience or leading them through breathwork, I encourage a shift in perspective. It’s not about forcing ourselves to be vulnerable before we’re ready. It’s about noticing when we’re resisting something good—not because it’s bad for us, but because we’ve never known how to receive it without fear.

In real estate, this looks like trusting that you are worthy of a home that aligns with your well-being. It means allowing yourself to feel excited about a home purchase without immediately worrying about what could go wrong. In breathwork, it looks like softening into the exhale and allowing yourself to be held by the present moment. In relationships, it means recognizing the difference between protecting yourself from genuine red flags and pushing away connection out of habit.

Letting our guard down doesn’t mean abandoning our boundaries or throwing caution to the wind. It means learning to recognize when we are protecting ourselves from something real—and when we are protecting ourselves from something imagined. It means asking:  Is this discomfort a warning, or is it an invitation?

Embracing Stability with Patience and Compassion

The path to trust is built slowly, with patience and self-compassion. Over time, we can teach ourselves that stability doesn’t have to mean danger—it can mean growth, nourishment, and deeper connection with those around us. Just as a house becomes a home over time, trust builds in layers, through small moments of reassurance and alignment.

So I’ll leave you with this question:

Where in your life do you resist ease, even when you crave it?

Sit with that.

Your answer might reveal not just where you hold back, but also where your deepest healing is waiting to unfold. And when you’re ready, know that there are tools—whether breath, movement, or mindful intention—to help guide you toward trusting the safety you deserve. The journey to stability isn’t about forcing comfort, but about allowing yourself to experience it, moment by moment, until it becomes second nature.